Match Day
Parents of young soccer players sometimes struggle in their efforts to help their children’s development in sports. Well intentioned, most of the time, their methods employ over questioning, critical comments and unrealistic demands and expectations of their young athletes. This is all done in an effort to come across as the caring, tough-loving soccer parent.
The situations that many young soccer players deal with before, during and after games and training sessions could bring a grown adult to tears. Let’s take a look at some of these situations…
Interrogation on wheels
The car door closes, your young soccer athlete is seat belted in, you start your engine, the car begins to move and you start the interrogation:
“What position is the coach going to put you in today?”
“Are you going to start?”
“Take some shots yourself today; you don’t have to pass to Josh all the time?”
“Be more aggressive in your tackles.”
“Don’t take any grief from the other team!”
“Work on your mental toughness today.”
“Play within yourself and stay focused”
Match Mouth
You have arrived at the field. Your young soccer star is gathering him/her stuff. You lock the doors of the car. You still have a few minutes to walk him to the field and bestow upon him a few more tidbits of advice:
“Don’t be lazy this game!”
“Keep your head in the game.”
“Don’t forget to ask the coach to put you at forward.”
The match begins…your child is not starting. Your body tenses, your teeth begin to grind and negative self-talk begins:
“This guy doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
“I bet he won’t let her play forward.”
“I should have put her on another team.”
Your child finally gets into the game. She is playing left defender. More negative self-talk (becoming audible now):
“What is he doing?”
“This guy is a clown!”
“He doesn’t like her!”
“She can’t even kick with her left foot!”
As the game progresses, an opposing player, on your daughter’s side of the field, receives the ball and dribbles straight at her. Your negative comments begin so that your child can hear them:
“Stop backing up…be aggressive…step up!”
“Come on…get the ball…tackle her!”
When the opponent dribbles by your daughter, your daughter trips and falls. The opponent proceeds to cross the ball and a goal is scored against your her team. You are beside yourself with rage! You just can’t stand it! You wave your arms up and down vigorously, you begin to pace the touchline for a few steps and your negative comments become extremely vocal…you are willing to share them with anyone who will listen!
“Get up…what are you doing?!”
“I knew it… this coach is a moron!”
“Hey ref, she knocked her down…call something for a change!”
“He should have never put her in the back.”
“This is ridiculous!”
The game ends and your daughter’s team lose 1-0. The coach is talking to the team and you decide then you must talk to the coach RIGHT NOW…IMMEDIATELY! You walk over to where the team is sitting, interrupt the coach in an angry tone and inform him that you want to talk to him. Your child is embarrassed…. The coach suggests that you step away and wait until he is done speaking to the team, then he will speak with you privately. You storm off and say, “Forget it!” Your anger has reached its peak:
“I can’t believe this guy!”
“He has no respect for the parents!”
“I’m taking my son off this team!”
Anyone within earshot has heard your comments, including the players.
Interrogation on Wheels Again
You get to your car and yell at your daughter to hurry up and get in. Once out of the parking lot, it begins…
“Didn’t you ask him if you could play forward?”
“He doesn’t know what he is doing anyway!”
“What have I told you about diving in on the tackle…you have to stay balanced
and aggressive!”
“We’re going to another club, where you can play forward!”
You get home; your little girl gets out of the car in tears, goes up to her room…and decides to quit soccer!
Friendly Advice
Pre-game
Make a few positive, support comments to your child…”I can’t wait to see your game today. Have some FUN!”
Help your child get the proper nutrition they need prior to the competition.
Prior to a game, any good sports psychologist or coach will tell you that its important for the athlete to get mentally ready for the competition through “positive self-talk”. The ride to the game is a good time for this. Some athletes like to listen to music during this time. Some athletes want to talk a bit…let your child start the discussion or ask the questions if they desire. It is very difficult for your child to mentally prepare for the competition when you are hording all of the time with your questions and advice!
The Game
Cheer on the athletes for both teams. They are trying their best. They are youth players and what you say really does affect them…whether you are a parent or not!
(A Japanese proverb: “Your tongue is only three inches long but it can kill a man six feet tall”)
Please DO NOT try to coach your child or the other players. The players must focus their attention on the game, and at times, their coach and the referee. There is a lot to think about in the game of soccer. Let them focus.
Post Game
Good parents and coaches know that immediately after the game it is time for mental, emotional and physical recuperation.
A positive word about their efforts in the game is very helpful and means a lot to your child.
Please don’t analyze the game or your child’s performance in the game. The coach will do this at the next training session.
Final Thought
Enjoy watching your child play…it will be much less stressful on you and, certainly, on them.
GLEN GAMBLE
JUNIOR BLADES DIRECTOR